The tears roll down your face
the clouds fall gray in place
the empty coffin hits the dirt
moving into your heart with hurt
cold rain dampens your hair
you've grown to sad to care
Thunder sounding; not far away
gives you a feeling of dismay
The big hole in your heart
will be a lasting part
the great pain of the missing piece
won't ever willingly decrease
the empty coffin hits the dirt
moving into your heart with hurt
cold rain dampens your hair
you've grown to sad to care
Thunder sounding; not far away
gives you a feeling of dismay
The big hole in your heart
will be a lasting part
the great pain of the missing piece
won't ever willingly decrease
I liked how you related emotion, and left the reader with something to think about. nice job:)
ReplyDeleteThis is really good. I really got the same feeling that the father got; I know exactly how it feels to lose someone close to you. Nice job
ReplyDeleteI really liked this! You put a lot of purpose into it! Good job!
ReplyDeleteIts soo cool how it rhymed, and all the words fit perfectly! Really good job!
ReplyDeleteI really like how it rhymed. You got the point across well. Good job!
ReplyDeleteI realized something while reading this. If you add a refrain, this could be a song. I don't think I really got the complete message because the peom is being sung in my mind, bt the part of the message that I did get was a strong one. This is good, this is a good poem.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I think that I didn't get part of the message because I'm having a really ADHD day. It;s not because of anything one your part. It couldn't be because it's too well written, with too strong a message.
ReplyDelete