Authors note-This is a stream of conciousness that we did in our journals, and I started writing about a dream that I had when I was younger. I haven't finished it yet, because I'm not really sure where I want to go with this story.
I'm standing in front of a huge forest at midnight with giant trees that reach so high I can't see the tops, and the moon is out and full, looking as large as the earth and as shining and glittery as a diamond ring. It's dark all around so all I can see are the dark bases of the trees and the worn down grass that's revealing the dirt below it. I look around in hope of some type of light to lead me back to my warm comforting house, but there's light no where to be found except for the moon, which is glittery, but not very bright.
I don't know what, but something was urging me to go into the forest. I start walking forward, step by step, slowly going forward into the forest scared for what awaits me ahead. Deeper into the forest I hear a murmuring sound that turns into a chanting sound once I get closer, but the words are in a different language and I can't understand it. Now I can see a dim glowing of red... No Orange. There's a fire up ahead. The chanting is getting louder with every step I take. The Fire keeps getting higher and oranger as the flames try to reach up to the sky up above. Now the fire is reaching up so I high you would think it would burn out the stars. I finally got to the middle of the forest. There's an opening and many Native American men are standing in a large circle angrily chanting towards the fire.
They all have dark skin, black paint under their eyes and long black brown hair. Some of there hair is pulled back into a small band holding their hair back, but others have their hair down and it looks as if their hair is almost in small dredloccks. The ones with their hair down must be the chiefs because they are talking the loudest. The biggest one of all of them steps nearer to the fire and screams something angrily and everyone stopped. I hid behind a tree so I could still see what was going on, but nobody, hopefully, could see me.
I heard footsteps coming up from behind. They got closer, but I was scared to turn around and see who was coming up behind me. I went to the tree next to me to get farther away from the footsteps.
Once I knew they couldn't see me I looked back. I saw them. They were more tribal members and they were both carrying bodies on their shoulders that were tied up with ropes they kept marching. It seemed like it took forever, but finally they reached the fire circle.
Everyone made a clearing and let them in near the fire. I looked closer at the people they were carrying. It was two familiarly creepy looking people. They were throwing them into the fire! Were they even still alive? They weren't moving at all. They wen't along with the dead silence of the night right now. You could hear a pin drop onto the kindof soft ground. What should I do? In a few seconds it will be too late. I looked around. All I saw were the same things that I saw before woods, trees, fire, and darkness which surrounded me.
Where have I seen those people before? I couldn't think of who they were or where I'd seen them before, but I had a feeling that I knew them. I knew them very well, but if that was true why couldn't I figure out who they were?! I had to do something... And quick if I wanted the people they were carrying to live, if they were alive at all. I thought fast and I screamed as loud as I could. No one moved or did anything. Is was like my voice was lost in the circle. I stepped in front of the tree I had been hiding behind and I screamed as loud as I could again. This time it was as I had a bull horn over my mouth and it went all over the circle and it echoed and echoed.. Oh, but that wasn't the best thing to do, because they heard it that time.
They immediately turned and sprinted towards me.
I turned around sprinted as fast as I could. I ran until it felt like my legs would fall off. I kept going but everytime I looked back they seemed to get closer and closer to me, yet they never could quite catch me. I took another step and started to fall I looked down and what I had just done could've cost me my life. I had jumped off a cliff and now I was falling at the speed of light and hoping that I would come out of this alive. I looked up and the tribe was standing at the top of the cliff. It looked like they were laughing at me. I wanted to do somethin about it and I couldn't I was helplessly falling and falling. I'm almost.......
I'm glad that you are going to be finishing this because it is very riveting and makes the reader want to keep on reading.
ReplyDeleteI agree. This sounds great! But remember to stay in the present tense. It makes it seem like you didn't read it over. This narrative is very clear, and like Ryan said, riveting. Just by seeing this, I know you have a great gift for narrative. Also, removing the be-verbs in this entry would make it much more polished-sounding. If you could make this into a longer length story, it would be great, and I'd be happy to help with revision.
ReplyDeleteWill you be finishing this piece?? The story had good descriptions and left you with wanting to know the ending. Good job, but next time i would revise it afterwards
ReplyDeleteI agree with everyone else. This is a great story and it kind of felt like you were actually there in the beginning. But I agree with Jacob; you switched from present tense to past tense and it kind of took some of the power out of your story. It was still really good, it just didn;t have as much power. You did use some really good comparisons and phrases, like the moon being a diamond ring. That really paints a picture in your head.
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