Authors note-I wrote this a while ago, because I didn't really have any poems on my blog, and I thought I would try to write one. I was kind of thinking about when you're sitting outside in the summer and a bee comes by people and they start freaking out, but I wanted this bee to have the opposite effect to it.
A gentle breeze goes by
A gentle breeze goes by
As you open up your eyes
you see upon your nose
a bumble bee I suppose
He opens up his wings and then beautifully sings
"I go from flower to flower
and move the pollen with my power
For when I click my heels
I give the flowers deals
they give me food for honey
and the business is quite funny
You see it's very nice
I get a lot of advice
and then every new day
I also get a different pay
And so my life goes on
and flowers will never be gone."
and flowers will never be gone."
and on the ground I lay
being stunned and in wonder
nothing could steel that bees thunder.
It was very good, but the spelling made it hard to comprehend.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry. I'll fix it! I just finished it when class ended yesterday so I didn't have time to edit it.
ReplyDeleteThis is really cute. I like it a lot. You might want to be carefull of your syllables because some lines were very short and others were much longer. But otherwise its awesome
ReplyDeleteThis poem WAS cute, and I really liked the last line. It kinda lost some of its rythum, though, and there were a lot of spelling mistakes. But the poem itself is really good and has lots of really clever ideas.
ReplyDeleteI really like this poem too! it is very CUTE, though you should check how to spell pollin(I don't think this is right)....
ReplyDeleteSweet poem -- lovely. This is a really good example of romantic literature. The images of fecundity are so sweet and clear. I would say that if you write closed form, then establish how many syllables per line in the pattern you choose, and then stick to it like glue. Otherwise it will feel awkward to the reader who wants the rhyme to fall on a certain beat, or cadence.
ReplyDeleteThis was a really cute poem and it was fun to read. Like other people said, you may want to look at your spelling and line structure because it was a little hard to understand. But otherwise it was great!
ReplyDeleteThat was a really cute poem. I liked how it kind of had a rhythem to it. The spelling is the only thing I would check, like the others said. But nice job!
ReplyDelete